Annoyed

Ok. So this is a bit of a “culture rant.” I haven’t ranted in a while, so now seemed as good a time as any. This will be a little stream-of-conscious.

I saw Miley Cyrus on an internet clip that was reporting on her bare-backed expose for Vanity Fair. [Side note: it also made the point that photographer Annie Leibovitz, the extremely talented photographer doing the photo shoot for Vanity Fair, is a lesbian. Well, DUH! No offense, but have you seen Annie Leibovitz? Men naturally flee her presence.] Anyway, little Hannah Montana was shown posing for the paparazzi at some public event, a camera flash going off every millisecond, and Billy Ray was standing around in the background as his fifteen-year-old daughter was being exploited for profit. Someone should have slapped his achy breaky skull. Word to Billy Ray: you’re sending your daughter down the path of future freakdom. You said you would protect her from that. You appear to be failing.

On a related note, I live in shame knowing that I can sing the theme song for the Hannah Montana show. I can name her TV brother and all of her TV friends. This should not be. I’m almost fourty-freakin’-three years old. Why can I sing a song performed by a fifteen-year-old? Any fifteen-year-old?

While I’m on the subject of the Disney Channel (one of two channels our TV seems to be tuned in to regularly), let me say that I hate the Naked Brothers Band. I’m sorry, but those boys have no talent. Well, apparently they have enough talent for the Nickalodeon people to put on their TV station. But in a day and age when television executives will produce a show where grown adults get outsmarted by average fifth graders, where Howie Mandel can host his own ridiculous show, and where Joanie Loves Chachi I suppose one more mind-numbing show is only to be expected.

I hate it that I, a grown man, actually know who Miranda Cosgrove is. And who Drake and Josh are.

I’m getting old. Maybe I’m already there. I hate the vacuous music of today. Pop. Hip-Hop. Country. Has it always been so absolutely void of anything meaningful to say? Has the musical talent always been this poor? Have you actually listened to a song by Britney Spears or Ashley Simpson? Or how about this. These are (some of) the lyrics to the number one song on the Top 40 chart right now. It is compellingly titled: Lollipop and it is performed by the legendary Lil Wayne (whoever the heck that is):

(Ow…Uh Huh…Young Mula Baby!)

[ She say he so sweet make her wanna lick the rapper
So I letta lick the rapper ]

Shawty say I lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-look like a lollipop
She say I lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-look like a lollipop
Lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-look like a lollipop
She say I ….. like a lollipop

CHORUS:
Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
And ooo I like to touch ya lovely lady lumps
( Repeat 2x )

[Verse 1:Lil Wayne]
Okay, lil mama had a swag like mine
Even wear her hair down her back like mine
I make her feel right when its wrong like lyin
Man, she ain never had a love like mine
N’ man I aint never seen a *** like hers
And that ***** in my mouth had me at a loss fo words
Told her to back it up like erp erp
And make that *** jump like shczerp shczerp
And thats when she said I lo-lo-look like a lollipop
( oh yeah I like that )
She said I lo-lo-look like a lollipop
( oh yeah I like that )
She said I lo-lo-look like a lollipop
( oh yeah I like that )
Shawty I lo-lo-lookin like a lollipop
( oh yeah I like that )

Well…it goes on, but I’m in a near vegetative state just quoting that much and if I continue I’ll have to put up a parental advisory. I have a hard time understanding how this actually appeals to anyone. Please, someone bring back Foreigner, The Police and REO Speedwagon. Please. Or at least tune in to something decent worth listening to like Coldplay, or something.

Oh, let me add that a whole bunch of the ghettoized CCM version of today’s pop music is as mind-numbingly bad as the secular version - though perhaps without the need to bleep out whatever it is that make Shawty jump like shczerp shczerp.

Now, if you like today’s music then just remember that I began this little vignette with the confession that I’m old.

I like the kids of today. I just don’t like what they like. No wonder Muslims don’t want an American-styled democracy in the Middle East. They’re more comfortable with a terrorist Osama Ben Laden than one who sings about his women backing it up like erp erp.