The Nature of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult things that confronts humanity. Nations fight wars over hurts that go back literally hundreds, and sometimes thousands, of years. The conflict in the Balkans in the 90s is a good example of how, for hundreds of years, Bosnians and Croats have fought because at various times in their history they have each perpetrated inhumanities against one other. They have spent hundreds of years “getting back” at each other. When they aren’t fighting they are enduring their own little “cold war” of animosity. Until forgiveness is found, this sad history will simply continue to repeat itself into the future.

Individuals are no different.

I was recently told that it is hard to believe that one who causes a problem could also be the one to solve it. How perceptive that is.

The truth of the matter is that it is very seldom the one who causes a problem who solves it. Forgiveness almost always comes not when the offender does something but when the offended does something. That is the gospel. I am the offender (and so are you). We’ve offended God. Repeatedly. Unashamedly. Consistently. Yet it wasn’t God (the offended) who came to me (the offender) and demanded that I fix it. Truth is he knew I couldn’t fix it. Instead the offended one reached out to the offender and fixed the problem himself. Through forgiveness. That’s the beauty of forgiveness.

Now, God tells us to go and do likewise. My obligation toward the one who has offended me is not to require him to fix the situation. My obligation now, as the offended, is to offer forgiveness and reconciliation to the offender. This is what God has done for me. This is what God calls me to do for others.

If I fail, or refuse, then I’m pretty sure I’m not going to like the consequences. It doesn’t simply mean that I’m a Christian who isn’t willing or able to do what I should. Jesus said that I will be forgiven (or not forgiven) on the basis that I offer forgiveness. Jesus told a lengthy parable about that in Matthew 18:21-35 where he concludes, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” I forgive because I want to be forgiven. But apparently Jesus tells me I can’t have it both ways – refusing forgiveness toward another while receiving forgiveness from God. If I can’t give forgiveness then I can’t have forgiveness. Don’t shoot the messenger. I didn’t make that up. I’m just passing along what Jesus told us. It is one of those uncomfortable truths. Uncomfortable because forgiveness is hard. Uncomfortable because forgiveness is necessary.

May God grant us all the grace to do the hard, but necessary thing.